


Never Gonna Be Alone

by shadowsamurai



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Angst, Gen, POV First Person, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-23
Updated: 2012-06-23
Packaged: 2017-11-08 09:23:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/441676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If he could go back in time and change things, he would. Now all he can do is hope that one day she hears his message.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Gonna Be Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Set after S1. All lyrics used belong to Nickelback.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;) 

B5-B5-B5-B5-B5-B5

*Time, is going by  
So much faster than I  
And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you*

It was never meant to be this way. Things were finally starting to come together; they were finally starting to make sense after a decade of uncertainty. The war, then being shipped all over the galaxy to stop me from causing trouble, then Mars and finally Babylon 5. I had a purpose again, and I was just starting to settle into my job. I had everything running the way I wanted it, I knew all the little quirks and habits of my staff and of the ambassadors…. And you, Catherine.

*Now I'm wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside  
So I'm starting to regret not telling all of it to you  
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know*

Michael told me you were on the station, but I convinced myself I didn't want to see you. It didn't last long. Then watching you from across the room, I wondered why I'd waited so long to see you, to speak to you. I wondered why I'd been so stupid to walk away or let you go each time we were together.

*You're never gonna be alone  
From this moment on  
If you ever feel like letting go  
I won't let you fall  
You're never gonna be alone  
I'll hold you till the hurt is gone*

We had dinner without incident and I enjoyed it. Then later, when you wanted to celebrate, you came to me. When we both decided neither of us was leaving, I thought we'd finally got it right. And when I asked you to marry me, that was exactly what I wanted. I had so much I wanted to tell you, so many feelings I wanted to share, but I didn't get the time.

*And now as long as I can  
I'm holding on with both hands  
Cause forever I believe  
That there's nothing I could need but you  
So if I haven't yet  
I've gotta let you know*

And now I have all the time in the world, you're not around. Even now, I still want you, but I know it's never going to happen. I'll never forget the look on your face when I got the message from Earth Central telling me I was being transferred. You were there, Catherine; you heard it all. You knew I had no choice, yet when the message ended, you looked at me.

"You're not going," you stated.

I felt as though my heart was about to break. You knew I had no choice but you were making it harder for me. "I have to. You heard what they said," I replied.

"That's bullshit, Jeff!" you yelled, taking me by surprise. "What about us?"

"Come with me, Catherine," I said. I knew what I was asking of you, but I couldn't let you go. Not again, not this time.

But you shook your head, slowly, deliberately. "No, Jeff. You know I can't."

"And I can't stay here," I replied.

"Yes, you can. You can retire."

I shook my head. "You know I can't."

"Then it comes down to this, Jeff," you said. "Me or the job."

*When all hope is gone  
I know that you can carry on  
We're gonna take the world on  
I'll hold you till the hurt is gone*

I watched you walk out of my quarters. You never looked back. I wanted to go after you, tell you it didn't have to be that way. But I didn't. All I could think about was how damn cruel life was.

Why, Catherine? Why did you have to make things harder? It was bad enough having to leave Babylon 5 in such a hurry: Susan was hurt, but she carried on like the soldier she is; Stephen was confused, but too busy looking after his patient, Michael.

Mike. How I regretted leaving him in such a state, more than I regretted leaving you, Catherine. He was in a coma, fighting for his life. How could you think I actually *wanted* to leave the station? I thought you knew me better than that. Obviously I was wrong.

*You've gotta live every single day  
Like it's the only one  
What if tomorrow never comes  
Don't let it slip away, could be our only one  
You know it's only just begun  
Every single day, may be our only one  
What if tomorrow never comes  
Tomorrow never comes*

Tomorrow never did come for us, did it? No matter how many times we tried, it simply failed for one reason or another. And now, for the first time since I've known you, I feel like I'm never going to see you again. I feel all the regret well up inside me over all the things I never said, over all the chances I let slip away, over all the tomorrows I wasted.

*I'm gonna be there all of the way  
I won't be missing one more day*

Now I can only hope this message reaches you. I only hope that if it does, you listen to it and understand what I'm trying to tell you. I might not be with you in person, but I think about you all the time. I sleep on one side of the bed now, imagining you're on the other.

You left a piece of clothing behind when you left me, a scarf that you only wore occasionally, but it still smells of you. I found it when I unpacked when I arrived here on Minbar. I keep it under my pillow because it reminds me of you.

Does that sound stupid to you? Does it sound out of character, Catherine? Perhaps it is, but maybe it tells you how much I miss you. Come back to me, Catherine. One day, say you'll come back. Don't leave me waiting too long.

FIN


End file.
